Why Is It SO HARD To Get Support From Friends and Family
We've all been there.
You're trying to make changes in your Career, Your Health, or maybe Start a New Business and it seems the first people to discourage you are your friends and family.
There are a number of reasons for this.
With immediate family members, especially parents, it can be because you're going against anything that they've learned up to this point in their own life. If you grew up in a family where the "norm" was to work a job, get paid until you retire and you're trying to branch off on your own to start a business, they may not understand this. They might be afraid for you. What you hear from them may sound like they're trying to discourage you when they're actually voicing their fears or concerns because this ISN'T how they themselves view the world and the opportunities available to us. They might be concerned because you don't have Health Benefits, a 401K, a steady, "reliable" paycheck.
If you grew up in a family where the "norm" was to go to college, get your degree and "do that" (whatever your degree is in) for the rest of your life, and suddenly you decide you wanted to be an artist, they could look at you like you're crazy, like you're headed for certain disaster.
If you've decided you're going to lose weight and get healthy, this can also be an area where you feel resistance from those closest to you. They may not agree with the diet or exercise program you've chosen to take. They may be full of ideas as to why what you've chosen to do isn't going to work. They may not like it because it could change things for them as well, especially if it's a new way of eating and you're living in the same household.
This can be difficult because most of us are hard-wired to seek approval from others. It only makes sense that we'd seek that approval from those closest to us.
We might be so excited about a thought, or idea or path we want to take. It can be so clear in our minds and fill us with such joy thinking about it but the minute we mention it to somebody close to us, it's as if we just had a bucket of ice water thrown at us. It could cause you to give up on the idea completely.
One of my favorite teachers is Abraham Hicks. In one of their YouTube Video's, they say this in such an easy to understand way: "I woke up feeling so clear - and when I tried to explain my clarity to my husband, I got confused again right away because his introduction of his perspective into my perspective just muddied the waters".
When you are ready to make a change, you don't have to explain anything to anybody until you're ready...
...AND, you SHOULDN'T try to explain anything to anybody until you are so clear about the idea that when you are explaining it to somebody, they don't introduce all the confusing thoughts they have about it because you're so clear that it helps them be clear.
If you try to talk to people too soon in the process, you can spend a lot of time trying to justify, rationalize or defend your idea or point of view. You can quickly move from excitement to frustration because you're no longer focused on your plan, you're now in the middle of a battle of defending. It muddies the waters. You lose your focus, your excitement - and your MOMENTUM. You feel deflated.
It's also important to understand that where you are today is a result of who you were yesterday. The people in your life and the dynamics between you are a result of your thought patterns, behaviors and choices you've made up to this point. You may suddenly decide to start making some major changes in your life - but THEY HAVEN'T. This is YOUR LIFE and you're in charge of it. If you expect others to change in order to make your new path easier, you're setting yourself up for failure, it's not going to happen. Nor is it fair to expect it to happen. You are making a decision that feels right for you, it's not fair to expect others to jump on board and make changes in their lives just because you're ready to make changes in yours.
So how do you get the support you need when you are wanting to make changes in your life?
An excellent resource is a personal coach if you can afford the investment. If you're trying to make health changes, you may consider a Health Coach. If you're trying to start a new business, consider a Business Coach. I have personally used coaches in my own life many times over the years. At first glance, it could seem like a huge financial investment but in most cases, it can save you a lot of time and money because you're more focused and tend to stay on track. The role of a coach is to help you stay focused on your goal and to help you take daily action towards it. If you choose a coach that's an expert in the area of change you're trying to make, you significantly improve your chances of achieving your goal.
If you are unable to afford the cost of a personal coach, seek out group coaching. It's typically about 1/3 the cost of one on one coaching and you'll still get a lot of support. If you're unable to pay for group coaching then seek out a free group in the form of a Meet-Up group in your local area and/or a Facebook Group. Being a part of a group can be an invaluable form of support.
Over the years I've worked with literally THOUSANDS of women helping them to achieve their goals. A common story for most of them was how unsupportive their spouses, parents, kids, co-workers were.
If you know and EXPECT this going in (because it's NORMAL), it helps you lay a more solid foundation prior to even speaking to anybody about the changes you're getting ready to undertake. Instead of getting those close to you involved initially, do some research and seek out the support from an expert or others that are focused on the same sort of changes in their own life. Have a plan before involving your friends and family in your decision unless the decision is going to have a direct impact on them.
In summary - BE VERY CLEAR in your own mind about what you want, why you want it and how you're going to get it BEFORE involving others in your decision.
Keep your eye on your goal until it's so clear, it would be IMPOSSIBLE to derail you if other's aren't as excited about it as you are.
See the help of a coach or group if that's what you need in order to help keep you focused on your goal.
Have you ever been excited about an idea only to have it shot down by those closest to you?
Does reading this help you to better understand WHY that happens?
I'd love to hear from you via the comments below. This is such an important subject, let's get a conversation going...